All in all, I think I'm handling things well. Not perfectly, mind you, but as well as can be expected. It's really been a heck of a ride since March. For those of you fortunate enough not to have been following along, it went like this:
1. Finances went to hell in a handbasket.
2. Business started going into its death throes.
3. Had to drop out of Law School.
4. Needed to start the divorce in earnest because of #1.
5. Grandma died on May. For those of you not familiar, she is the one who raised me.
It's really been a constant hit-parade of crappiness since the Spring. I did get a little bit of luck, though. I got a job I had applied for in the Spring. Love the job. The paycheck is sorta depressing, but I'll just have to slog it out and get promoted. In this economy, jobs are hard to come by and I'm lucky to have this one.
Every now and then, though, I just feel worn out and down. It's a heck of a lot to deal with all at once. I may have finished up the liquidation of the business this week. If things work out, I'll collect one last check, pay one last creditor, then dissolve the business entity.
So, that simplifies my life. It is a bummer to think that my business is gone, but hey, it happens. I have looked for ways to beat myself up for this for a long time, now, and in the end, after countless hours of soul searching, I really can't put my finger on anything that I did that should have led to the business collapsing.
It's not like I'm the only one. One of my friends just a little to the north got so disgusted, he basically turned his keys back in and auctioned all his stuff off for pennies on the dollar. Too many lean years. He just wanted out. My neighbor to the West is looking for a buyer to see if he can salvage at least a little money out of his business.
The downturn just lasted too long for us all. We all did what we could to wait it out, but there comes a point where courage and stupidity intersect. We probably all reached that point a while ago and just kept plugging along on the "stupidity" path.
I miss my son. The business really allowed me to set my own hours and to be with him as much as possible. For that, I'm truly thankful. Even if the business cratered, it gave me almost 8 great years with my boy that I would not have had otherwise.
Now, though, time to pay the piper. I see him 2 days mid-week and every other weekend. That's probably going to be it for the foreseeable future. I want him to stay in his hometown. This is where he has lived his entire life so far. His mom works at the local hospital. So it's left to me to make things work with my son in Toledo, and my job in Dayton.
The commute and hassles do wear me down now and then. I look forward to the weekends to recharge my batteries. Lately, they haven't been that relaxing because of all the work I've had to do to liquidate the business. But it seems like the heavy lifting is done, finally. My weekends can be my own, now.
I really need to clean up my house. It's a disgusting and depressing pigsty. That's the next project.
In the mean time, I know that part of why I'm sorta down is that I'm tired. Need to watch a little Breaking Bad on Netflix, then get some sleep before my 3 hour commute tomorrow morning.
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